Alternative Android Dictionary

​One of our greatest features at Android Central is the Android Dictionary, an ever-evolving list of frequently used terms. But did you know there's a second, secret blogging dictionary? Here's a peek inside:

  • Benchmarks: A great way to confuse folks over which phone is "better" while simultaneously generating page views. Winning!
  • [Brackets]: Used to explain a headline that's not particularly good. Often used to point out that something is supposed to be [funny] or [humor] -- and chances are it's neither.
  • BREAKING NEWS!!!: The kind of news that just happened!!! And is important!!! Really important!!! So important all capital letters and exclamation marks are probably warranted!!! Also a great way to sex up a story without having to write a good headline.
  • Coming soon: We actually have no friggin' idea when it's coming. But if we say "coming soon," it makes it look like we know when it's coming. We're mysterious like that.
  • Developing ...: Putting this at the end of a post makes it look like we're doing important investigative work when really we're finishing an Angry Birds level or two.
  • Exclusive: Someone sent us something. We saved it, watermarked it and put it on a webpage, then spent the rest of the day crowing about it in IRC. (Alt. definition: Actual hard work put into an original story.)
  • Fragmentation: A story to be written quarterly reminding people you really don't understand how Android works as a platform.
  • Imminent: Really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really soon. Maybe. (See Coming soon.)
  • Nexus: Better.
  • Official: Used in headlines to point out that a story is different than the endless miles of published crap that has no chance of ever coming true.
  • Patent stories: A great way to show that 99 percent of us are not and never should be a lawyer.
  • Reached out: A flouncy way of saying you took 15 seconds out of your otherwise busy reblogging day to send a single e-mail. And, no, you didn't wait for a response before publishing.
  • Rooted: Better.
  • Stock: Better.
  • Tip @techmeme: A great way to let the tech community know you successfully rewrote a press release. Good job!
  • Unboxing: Wherein we pretend to be surprised to find a phone, earbuds, cable, charger and documentation inside a box from a carrier or manufacturer. Usually recorded on video and presented in grand fashion. May include schoolgirl-like giggling.
  • Watermark: A site's logo placed on top of its images to remind folks that they're visiting the site that they're visiting. A watermark's size should in no way be used to determine a site's importance. (But if you were to do so, the formula is W [HxW] x [number of writers2] x [number of improperly labeled exclusives])

That's just a snippet of how things really work on the Internets. Hope you enjoyed this peek behind the curtain.

(And them's just jokes, people! Well, some of them.)

There are 29 comments

mjforte says:

Hey Phil you forgot the best one of all: BREAKSCLUSIVE.

icebike says:

Feels good in the hand = heavier than it looks.

HAAS599 says:

Leaked Image - An often blurry extreme close-up or computer generated image that offers little to no real information about a device. Useful when trying to make the frontpage of r/Android and/or showcasing your photoshopping skills.

ShinyTop says:

You left off PSA, used by posters who are much impressed with themselves!

IceDree says:

"Nexus : Better" lol
That's a good one Phil

Excellent write up phil

SirJames says:

Breaking news and very exclusive. Excellent and informative post.

dancing-bass says:

Good for a chuckle... except "Coming soon". I detest that when its used in relation to technology. My previous carrier bragged and crowed about it's Awesome New HSPA+ network.

For. Three. Freaking. Years.

And its still not available. Last contact I had with them (Just over a month ago) was "no really, it is coming soon!". Bleh. Oldschool CDMA just doesn't cut it. We're talking 1X-EV Rev0 data speeds. Good for battery life, bad if you want a web page to load faster then 20 seconds (on a mobile site). Gave up great customer service for a larger provider, better coverage, better/newer phones, and real HSPA+/FauxG.

Sorry. I really cringe when anything tech (esp mobile devices) is called "coming soon". It really pisses me off

Other then that? Awesome. Best part?

Stock, Rooted, and Nexus all = better. So my stock Nexus that I might root must be freaking awesome :)

Galaxy SIII: A mythical beast known to drive men insane

(see also: heroin and the ring from Lord Of The Rings)

crxssi says:

>"Benchmarks: A great way to confuse folks over which phone is "better" while simultaneously generating page views. Winning!"

Unfortunately, benchmarks are also the ONLY way one can *objectively* compare device performances. The problems come when people don't understand what different benchmarks mean and how they do or don't relate to actual device use.

Benchmarks are not bad or evil, it is just what people DO with them (or don't do with them) that is.

tronthedon says:

^benchmark-whore defending benchmarks while trying to stay incognito

crxssi says:

Incognito? Have no idea what you are talking about.

Anyway, I have been in computing for a very long time and I am very familiar with benchmarking and their positives and negatives. They are just [potentially] objective tools that can be VERY useful when implemented and used properly.

Perfect example- knowing the size and peak horsepower of a vehicle engine is useful, but pretty meaningless without knowing a bunch of other stuff (power curve, weight, etc). But a dyno (benchmark) run can tell you SO MUCH MORE about how an engine performs. Yet that still doesn't tell you how the car HANDLES, or STOPS, or how COMFORTABLE it is, only how it accelerates in different situations. Yet that is exactly what some of the Android benchmark programs attempt to do. Mixing graphics or network performance in with raw CPU performance to come up with some overall number is about as stupid as mixing hp + braking + handling for a car and try to end up with some type of magic number/metric to completely describe a complex system.

Perfect example of how USEFUL a benchmark can be- the Krait processor compared to the Tegra 3. People immediately dismiss the Krait based on previous Qualcomm processors, or the fact that it has 2 cores instead of 4.1. But the performance of the new CPU and GPU are MUCH better than in previous designs, which is clearly illustrated in a variety of benchmarks. Take the various numbers (not just some stupid "score"), explain what they mean, follow it up with some hands-on testing, and a great overall picture emerges that has credibility, too. It also allows comparisons of different implementations of a platform that uses the same chip- uncovering design problems (perhaps slower memory, or bus problems, or software driver issues).

JeremySVilla says:

The alternative is just more of the same, Choice is in our hands

alacrify says:

"In the coming months" = we're not going to do any of the things we just promised, so we're hoping you forget about them by then (see: HP webOS strategy)

kentrol72 says:

(Device, Update) Release date Second Quarter= Actual Release date at best sometime in the Forth Quarter.
Option to scrap the idea totally.

victor3451 says:

"Nexus = Better"

Yeah right! I just bought my first Galaxy Nexus and there is color banding, dark areas on videos look extremely blue and it has a green tint... then I found out after digging up its' problems and I discovered ALL Galaxy Nexus(es?) have some kind of problem related to the screen!
There are even some mods around to make color banding less visible!
Now you may say "I've never seen something like that on my GNEX", it IS there! Look carefully at the background of the phone app, or the bottom of the tabs area in the browser. COLOR BANDING!
I'm trying to get a replacement to see if I can get a better one, quite a nice 1st impression Samsung! My first Android phone, a Nexus, because it was SUPPOSED to be the best Android experience ever, but in fact it has so many problems I've lost count.

DO NOT BUY A NEXUS! I know stories of people who had to have it replaced up to 7(!) times!!!!!!!!
I mean it, you guys shouldn't protect the Nexus just because it's Google's phone, you need to point out the problems too!

icebike says:

The problem isn't Nexus, its Samsung.

I hope and pray Samsung has had the last Nexus contract they will ever see. Same for Verizon.

IceDree says:

I see your point , but With the Nexus now branded as a GALAXY I think its over & lost it magic\advantage & Samsung will take it for a granted now , Its just anther Galaxy phone for them now

return_0 says:

Blame Samsung. They actually built the device. Nexus, in layman's terms, simply means Google put the software on it.

DenverRalphy says:

Top Ten = Randomly chosen. Quality not taken to consideration.

UncleMike says:

Nothing makes me pass by a forum thread quicker than multiple exclamation marks in the subject. In my experience, the number exclamation marks in a subject are inversely proportional to the real importance of the topic, as well as the writer's ability to write coherently.

CeluGeek says:

Unboxing: A video to show you how your phone and its accessories were packaged. Watch it backwards so you know how to pack your phone if you need to return it.

And by the way, with all the stingy carriers and manufacturers (but mostly carriers) out there, it IS a surprise to see earbuds packed with a new phone.

mhmmdy123 says:

Phil, I never buy a phone according to benchmark test, I have to try it in real world first. Otherwise it's worthless.

Armada says:

You forgot: every good Android site replaces all real content with HTC One series nonsense.

jrenner says:

Watermarks aren't about reminding the user, they're about ownership...

DenverRalphy says:

Not really. 90% of the images I see with a visible watermark are from sites that already ripped it from somewhere else. Watermarks are supposed to be embedded digitally, but naked to the human eye.

_X_ says:

LOL great article had me rolling.

However there are two that I disagree with

Coming soon: = Checks in the mail

Promised upgrade: = I wonder if they'll forget our lie in a few months

An Observer says:

Inspired by my last Htc phone. . .

Powerful: last years chipset with a stripe on one side
All day battery: lasts from your front door until well after the first coffee
Versatile: runs Angry Birds Outer Space
Attractive: for those who crave plastic
Vibrant display: if the brightness is kept at full
Well-engineered: can receive 3g signal without a clip-on dongle
High connectivity: occasionally, bluetooth even works
Accessorise: gel cases now available in colours other than black
Made to last: until 1 day after the warranty runs out
Supported: with a toll free numbet that no-one ever answers
International: which is where our service centre is
Affordable: like the postage you'll have to pay to send it away for warranty service
Joyful: how you'll feel once you get another phone

crxssi says:

Funny- that seems to match Samsung phones too

speculatrix says:

alpha release - excitingly broken in odd ways to make using your device a bit like playing Russian Roulette - for people who like to live live just over the edge

beta - a bit rough round the edges but sufficient problems to keep you on your toes - for people who actually use their phone rather than enjoy complaining every time it crashes but want to live life closer to the edge

stable release - the safe choice, old and boring - for people who probably graduated from an iphone and like safety, and the edge is off on the horizon