Alternative Android Dictionary

​One of our greatest features at Android Central is the Android Dictionary, an ever-evolving list of frequently used terms. But did you know there's a second, secret blogging dictionary? Here's a peek inside:

  • Benchmarks: A great way to confuse folks over which phone is "better" while simultaneously generating page views. Winning!
  • [Brackets]: Used to explain a headline that's not particularly good. Often used to point out that something is supposed to be [funny] or [humor] -- and chances are it's neither.
  • BREAKING NEWS!!!: The kind of news that just happened!!! And is important!!! Really important!!! So important all capital letters and exclamation marks are probably warranted!!! Also a great way to sex up a story without having to write a good headline.
  • Coming soon: We actually have no friggin' idea when it's coming. But if we say "coming soon," it makes it look like we know when it's coming. We're mysterious like that.
  • Developing ...: Putting this at the end of a post makes it look like we're doing important investigative work when really we're finishing an Angry Birds level or two.
  • Exclusive: Someone sent us something. We saved it, watermarked it and put it on a webpage, then spent the rest of the day crowing about it in IRC. (Alt. definition: Actual hard work put into an original story.)
  • Fragmentation: A story to be written quarterly reminding people you really don't understand how Android works as a platform.
  • Imminent: Really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really soon. Maybe. (See Coming soon.)
  • Nexus: Better.
  • Official: Used in headlines to point out that a story is different than the endless miles of published crap that has no chance of ever coming true.
  • Patent stories: A great way to show that 99 percent of us are not and never should be a lawyer.
  • Reached out: A flouncy way of saying you took 15 seconds out of your otherwise busy reblogging day to send a single e-mail. And, no, you didn't wait for a response before publishing.
  • Rooted: Better.
  • Stock: Better.
  • Tip @techmeme: A great way to let the tech community know you successfully rewrote a press release. Good job!
  • Unboxing: Wherein we pretend to be surprised to find a phone, earbuds, cable, charger and documentation inside a box from a carrier or manufacturer. Usually recorded on video and presented in grand fashion. May include schoolgirl-like giggling.
  • Watermark: A site's logo placed on top of its images to remind folks that they're visiting the site that they're visiting. A watermark's size should in no way be used to determine a site's importance. (But if you were to do so, the formula is W [HxW] x [number of writers2] x [number of improperly labeled exclusives])

That's just a snippet of how things really work on the Internets. Hope you enjoyed this peek behind the curtain.

(And them's just jokes, people! Well, some of them.)