Editorial: Adult Android apps aren't really for adults, and boobs will get you hacked [NSFW]
Recently, I was given the (what I thought would be) amazing task of doing an Android adult app roundup. I prepared myself with a pre-paid debit card, a clear mind, a 12-pack of Milwaukee's finest and a dark room -- and went on a download spree. What was supposed to be informative and fun turned out to be a $10 pain in the ass and time spent on the phone with T-Mobile trying to get things undone.
Repeat: Steve Jobs might have joked (or maybe he was serious) that the Android Phone is for Porn, but as we found out, that doesn't mean it's good porn.
This one's about as NSFW as can be, so be warned before you click through.
The first thing I noticed is that you have two main categories of "adult" apps -- pictures of boobs, and weblinks to porn video sites. You will have a few real apps (mostly comprising strip poker or sliding puzzle games that use a picture we can't show here) scattered amongst them, but for the most part this isn't high-quality stuff. I'm sure there are some well-written apps with an adult theme, but I couldn't find them, and that could be a testament to either the vast number of crapplications or my lack of search-fu skill. Simply put -- there's nothing "adult" about most of these apps. They look to be designed to appeal to 12-year-old kids who just want to see boobs, va-jay-jays, or wieners.
Granted, there are some nice pictures of various bodies doing things that would make mom blush if she caught you looking at them, but the demographic who would search out this sort of content likely is too young to be looking at it in the first place.
But like the trooper that I am, I continued on through the sea of sin. Until I got "hacked."
I can't point the finger at any particular app, nor any particular app store, but one or more of these adult apps signed me up to "LoveTips4Life" -- a premium SMS messaging scam. I run Lookout on the device I use to test apps, and I know it works because it's caught apps trying to do evil once or twice. But it didn't catch this one. I spent a little while tearing apart .apk files trying to find it myself, but in the end I just gave up trying to find the exact culprit. It wasted too much time, and chances are most people either can't or won't be able to dis-assemble an Android app to look at the code anyway.
So I'm going to just say it thusly -- be careful downloading crappy porn apps on your phone or tablet.
It's no fun trying to explain to the nice lady on the phone from T-Mobile (insert your carrier here) that you don't really want to get premium SMS messages from some company and you stumbled across it on accident while testing Android apps. She's not going to believe you, and you'll be paying $10 for that first month any way you slice it. And chances are, the app will suck anyway.
Does this mean I think Steve was right when he said porn has no place on mobile devices? Hell, no. It's that attitude that keeps adult apps in the shadows and allows developers to get away with writing shitty apps and scamming people out of their money for premium text messages. I'm all for high quality applications of any theme -- adult orientated or otherwise. But I'll take a pass on apps that feature nothing but pictures of ex-girlfriends doing things that need mouthwash afterwards and may end up concealing some sort of malware, and I think you should, too.
And, besides. The Android browser works just fine.
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Jerry is an amateur woodworker and struggling shade tree mechanic. There's nothing he can't take apart, but many things he can't reassemble. You'll find him writing and speaking his loud opinion on Android Central and occasionally on Twitter.
Id like to bring up something that your site seems to overlook.
Yes the apps are rated, however the rating system is obviously floored. check out the worst apps have some of the highest ratings.
the raters usually have random character names.
you can tell that the ratings system has been hacked by the app developers or someone employed by them. its so obvious. why do the shittiest apps have the highest stars and rated by people with names such as ewkjfgwekjgwejkbvwe? your site has many many apps listed as free, yet most are rated by real humans as not really free!!
these apps just link you to a paid for porn site, or link you to porn which you have to buy mikandi credits for. If you cleaned up your site and did a little policing you could have the best and trusted mobile porn supermarket, however as it stands you cant trust anything on your site. the only good app was Pxxxtube before the developers removed it from your site. cmon mikandi your sitting on something that could be so good with a little bit of effort.
I know I'm super late on this- apologies! Thank you for your feedback. I want you guys to know that we're listening and taking all feedback to heart.
I agree- we have some developers that have been taking advantage of ratings and reviews. We've been more proactive in policing our market for such behavior, as well as monitoring devs who frequently republish to get on the Latest apps list, and who publish apps that are just trial sites wrapped in APKs. At the same time, we continue to build more tools to help developers promote their apps in a transparent way, and do what we can to promote the quality apps. We're also developing better search tools to help you filter out the apps you don't want so we can serve you the apps you do want, faster. That said, we have lots of great apps in the market that you should try. Our favorites cycle through our Feature list, which we update every Monday. We also have our App of the Week notification every Friday. These apps are handpicked and tested by us. We also partner directly with studios for MiKandi Theater, which is ad free. I hope you give it a try sometime. By the way, pxxxtube is back in MiKandi. It's one of our most popular apps. It's pretty damn great, isn't it? And lastly, we just released a big update to MiKandi this week. I hope you give us another shot. :) If you ever come across any more issues, please shoot us an email at email@example.com. We answer every inquiry personally. Best, Jen McEwen