Stop complaining about specifics, this is a tablet for $33.
Amazon has the 7-inch Fire tablet with 8GB storage (and "special offers" ads) on sale right now for just $33. If that's all you needed to hear, click right here and buy one before they run out of stock.
If you aren't convinced right away, for 33 bucks you're getting a quad-core 7-inch tablet that can run Android apps from the Amazon app store or ones you sideload from other places. Basically, anything that doesn't need Google's Play Services integration. If you like to tinker with things, you can monkey with the software and install "regular" Android and/or the Google Play Store with a little bit of effort.
If you're not the kind of person who hacks away at tablet software, this is the best tablet you can buy for $33. In fact, it's the only tablet you should buy for $33. It's perfect to sit on the living room table to control your lights or TV remote. It's perfect to give to the kids (without the password for app purchases!) so they can shoot angry birds out of a slingshot or watch a video or two. Or 90. For $33, you can buy one for each kid so they aren't fighting over it and stuff them in a stocking so you look like a superhero when they grab it.